Ep.100 – The World’s End: No really, it’s the fucking apocalypse.



This is it! Episode 100 – the final regularly scheduled episode of Mating Habits of the Modern Geek.

It’s a full house when Em, Andrew Bartlett, Paris, The Business, LLC and Sean Ryan join me to give the show a proper send off. It’s loud, chaotic, the cold open is too long, and as per usual, we barely mention dating – you know, a pretty standard show.

We do all flip a collective table over the probable end of Western Civilization.

As always, we owe everything to the folks who subscribe and listen to the show.

It has been an absolute pleasure, and hope to see you over on State of the Geek, We Don’t STOP for Chests, Colin!, or any of the other half dozen shows I’ll be on.

Please stay subscribed to make sure you don’t miss out on new sporadic Mating Habits Episodes that will be popping up from time to time.

Thank you – Kelley

Table-Flip Tuesday: Table-Flips

such rage, much fury

such rage, much fury

Table-Flip Tuesday: Table-Flips
written by andrew j. bartlett

The form of art that is table-flipping is an artform.

Wait, that was a bit redundant, wasn’t it? Do you see what I mean: even when introducing the inaugural post to start off “Table-Flip Tuesdays”, it’s a bit of a shake and doesn’t go off half as well as you had considered it could possibly have the potential in which to do so.

(Okay, that went all kinds of sideways, but whatever – I’m not editing that out, so you’ll just have to deal with that awkward opening. #thatswhatshesaid)

In case you needed a quick history lesson: I met our dear “Mating Habits” host, Kelley Hightower, toward the end of 2014, when she came to record for a crossover episode of a podcast for which I was one-half of the hosting talent. In semi-preparation for the crossover, we of the non-“Mating Habits” side were individually asked to bring a topic currently poking our ire, for a subject lovingly referred to on Kelley’s show as “Table-Flipping”.

This may seem like an easy feat for which to prepare, what with working a life in retail and interacting day-in and day-out with a society that inspires click-baity articles and viral YouTube videos that constantly redefine “Schadenfreude”…

If you’re like me, however, and even in the tiniest fraction of a sense of that unfortunate grouping, you’re the type of person who has a seemingly-infinite number of things you want and need; however, should anyone inquire as to any of the items on that ever-growing list, that’s when the list goes into hiding and plays off like it doesn’t exist. Thus is how it played out when asked to have something ready for the “table-flip” section of the crossover recording.

So what did I do? Well, if you haven’t yet had an opportunity to listen to this very [interesting] recording, to put it plainly: I lamed out. I pretty much gave an excuse of “Mrrrh, I don’t like to hold grudges (’cause they’re bad for your back) and blah blah get over things quick bleh bloo blee so I don’t have anything at the moment” and other such nonsense to fill in the “blahs” and “blees”. This was pretty much the direction taken, as I progressively made my way into the rotation of “Mating Habits” co-hosts.

And I gotta tell you: IT WAS IRRITATING AS FUCK!

Listening to the other episodes happening around the ones on which I happened to co-host, gems were brought to the as-yet-flipped table: coworkers swiping Lean Cuisines, small business owners shame-posting friend-clients, perfectly good table sets being brazenly dismissed when offered in a very positive and helpful manner, etc, etc, and the list goes on. I listened to these amusing and intriguing stories and rants, metaphorically knocking on my brain’s door and pointing emphatically to what would represent what was being heard, shouting: “Why can’t you bring something interesting like that?!”

Fortunately, though, the more I’ve grown used to recording for “Mating Habits”, the more my brain has been readily prepared to take in an item of irritation and attach a label on it, which probably reads “Table-Flip Topic (do not open ’til Groundhog Day)”.

However! Remember that time, a few paragraphs ago, when I made the unfair comparison of you to me, lumping us in the same category and going on about mental lists and said lists disappearing when made the subject of conversation? Okay, good. Now, imagine we’re back in that unfair setting, but this time we’re creative people who are in dire need of coming up with something creative, just to get those creative juices flowing – what would you say, based on average, generalized standards of this sort of thing, tends to happen?

That’s right: the good ideas only seem to come to you when you’re in a situation where you cannot immediately do something about that idea. For me, I normally tend to come up with interesting story ideas while I’m driving or at work, where I’m not immediately in front of a computer in order to, at the very least, write down key words to help me remember the idea for later. The same is the case for these damn “table-flips”!

What’s a brother gotta do, just so he can have a slight irritation, have it be entertaining enough and at the right frame of time, and be able to let the irritation get back on its merry way before it cause irrevocable damage? Well, as it turns out, all said “brother” has to do is start up a Google Doc entitled “Table-Flip Topics” and update it with items that might qualify for quality talking points; and when the list gets to the length in which said “brother” finds himself saying, to himself, “Geezus! Lighten up, you constantly irritated bastard!”, he approaches our lovely Kelley and offers up an idea to make table-flipping a more recurring blog-type thing. (You know… for more content and material on the blog page. That sounds legitimate as well, right?)

So here you go, my fellow geeks! With any luck, these table-flips will get better, as I like to think they have on the podcast (from my end, at least – keep up the great work, to the rest of you “Mating Habits” hosts).

Until then, this has been Andrew for this round of “Table-Flip Tuesday”, flipping a table over table-flips!


Ep.66 – The Kink Episode: The Listeners Have Been Very Naughty…


Ep.66 – The Kink Episode: The Listeners Have Been Very Naughty…

We begged for it, and you gave it to us!

Paris and the Business join me this week for a super-sized show about various kinks and fetishes to satisfy our curiosities.

We discover The Business is a damned Hawk, talk about getting “Wifed,” while playing video games, and Paris gets her first taste of a childhood movie being rebooted.

We’re 100 percent wrong about the ending of Mad Men but whatever, we were right about everything else.

We just saw Mad Max and WE LOVED IT! Spoilers abound as we tell you all the ways this is the best movie of the summer.

Thanks to the generosity of our brave listeners, we have a couple of interviews and some great emails (Narrated by Sean Ryan of Alpha Counter) and we discuss paraphilias and fetishes in general, sharing some of our own kinks as well.

It’s the final installment of My Fair Andrew 🙁 They grow up so fast. Even though it’s sad to see him go, we were happy to take the journey with him. Find out how his experienced helped him, and what he has planned for the near future.

Tables get flipped, y’all. I’m tired of people policing what other people wear, The Business is over potlucks and 100% done with home brews, and Paris thinks Facebook is the last place you want to ask for advice when buying tech.

Show Links!
List of Paraphilias Wiki

Kink: Documentary

Links attached to the third listener email:
Tame Transformer Fan Art

Ep.65 – Tips for Getting that Second Date: But Just the Tip!

Easy Does it - don't mess this up!

Easy Does it – don’t mess this up!


Em is back to help me record the shortest Mating Habits episode in recent history, but we talk about securing that second date, the first-ever Trigger Warning: Geek! Meetup at Avengers: Age of Ultron, and magnetic vaginas.

There are things that exist in this world like Free Comic Book Day and Quidditch Beer Pong, and that’s a good thing.

Archer knows best.

Archer knows best.

Em is part of the problem when she doesn’t respond to cute boys who message her, but I blame Facebook – as always.

My Fair Andrew is hanging in there and receives his final assignment for the segment. Will our intrepid hero be equal to the task?


We flip tables over disgusting people who lick their fingers to turn pages and disgusting cops who murder black men. One table may weigh more than the other, but they both get thoroughly flipped.

Stay tuned to the end for some hot lesbian co-host action!

Quit Yo' Snitchin'!

Quit Yo’ Snitchin’!

Show Links!


Ep. 64 – Director’s Cut: Your Romantic Movies Have Lied to You!



I visit Andrew a week after he was driven from his home by alarms, sadly none of which sound like Bruce from Family Guy. He also had a run in with a bowl of vegetable soup – it’s been quite a couple of weeks, folks.

The podcast is sponsoring a new Meetup.com group called Trigger Warning: Geeks! If you’re local to NC and interested, come join all your favorite hosts (plus others) when we go to movies and stuff.

My Fair Andrew is in 3D (for me, anyway, because I was in the room this time) and we’re nearing the end of the project – this week’s assignment is a tough one for him, but I have faith in our hero.

We talk about movie/TV tropes and relationship examples that aren’t healthy or realistic, and why someone who doesn’t have any relationship experience might want to avoid some of the worst.

Scott Pilgrim is boring and lacks morals, Twilight and 50 Shades are fanfics that somehow snuck under the radar, and Leonard and Penny from Big Bang Theory make no sense, whatsoever.

Correction=Rating: Terrible Person

Correction=Rating: Terrible Person

Smallville had ridiculous relationships that all seem to revolve around Lana Lane, and Ross and Rachel are the least interesting couple on Friends. Fortunately, we do have some media to watch and aspire to; i.e. Ron and Hermione; Katara and Aang; Homer and Marge; etc.


We flip the table I had to bring with me over bad party guests and Andrew reminds us that retail is not a four-letter word, even though retail customers can often be little shits.


Ep.63 – Catfished: Reeled in Hook, Line, and Sinker



Sean Ryan of Alpha Counter joins me in my sick, weakened state for another jam-packed episode of Mating Habits.

This episode, we discuss the act of “Catfishing,” an internet phenomenon that happened to me a couple of weeks ago, and we’re lucky enough to have listener-submitted emails sharing their catfish sagas, and we even snag an interview with our own Paris who comes clean in Paris’s Catfish Confessions – she’s been a bad girl…

We also discuss our recent ventures into film making with Bottom Shelf Films, delve into the Walking Dead Finale for some quick speculations, and I caught a Zeff Cold from my friends at the Die Antwoord concert.

Things are looking up for our hero in this edition of My Fair Andrew – but let’s not jinx it 😉

We flip tables over “Innocents” in the comment sections, and folks who don’t like to have fun, especially on April Fool’s Day.

Trigger Warning: Jokes.

The first photo is the one by which I was catfished. The second is who the guy in the first photo really is. *sigh*

Bottom Shelf Films
Die Antwoord


Ep.62 – Relationships 101: This Will Be on the Final

You're going to want to take notes.

You’re going to want to take notes.


We’re back from Spring Break and Paris and The Business, LLC are here to tutor us through a college-level relationship model sent in to us from listener Mark Hayashi.

We compare our experiences with those featured in Knapp’s Relationship Model, and get into the ways people come together, maintain, and come apart. Hold on, because Dr. Knapp’s theories are “Theo-radical!”

We also talk at length about grad school, Destiny, Starbucks fixing racism, The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, and the infamous Batgirl variant cover.

Hashbrown: No Filter
Trigger Warning: Dragons
Trigger Warning: Dungeons also.

My Fair Andrew has a disappointing time on OKC (really, it happens live on the recording) but we’re here to learn from the struggle. I also answer questions from podcast listener Siegecall about his OKC profile.

This is bullshit.

This is bullshit.

Tables get flipped over the mistrust of women, people stealing your table flips, why scientists can’t communicate, and time-wasting differential diagnoses.


Knapp’s Relationship Model

@JennofHardwire’s Response to #CHANGETHECOVER

Men Just Don’t Trust Women — And It’s A Huge Problem

Ep.61 – The Infidelity Episode: Once Bitten Twice Geek

At least she didn't litter when she threw away your love

At least she didn’t litter when she threw away your love


What happens when you ask the internet to share personal stories about infidelity with you? A 3 hour and 15 minute podcast, that’s what. But look at it this way, you’ve got three weeks to listen to it while we go on our cycle break.

Sean Ryan of Alpha Counter invites us into his studio to talk about one of the most negative sides to dating and relationships: cheating.

Emails and interviews came pouring in from you, the much-loved listeners, and in addition to some emails (a couple of them from fellow #PodPals) we got five interviews from all sides of the spectrum: Bill, Pete, and Erin are straight-up cheated on, while Amy and Dandy – well, it’s more complicated. We thank them profusely for coming forward and sharing their personal stories. We truly have the best listeners in the world!

In more faithful news, we geek out over Destiny, and a game called Starwhal where you can be a narwhal in an afro, dressed in a sushi costume, piercing the hearts of your fellow narwhals IN SPACE!

We check in with My Fair Andrew for reports from his fourth task and assign his fifth – always a delight!

Sadly, the 24-hour news stations had to take a break from reporting about llamas in blue/black or white/gold dresses to deliver the sad news that Leonard Nimoy passed away on Friday, February 27th at the age of 83. He was beloved, lived long and prospered, and his talents will live on forever.

Tables get up-ended over guys who respond to regular non-flirty question with confirmation that they have a girlfriend/wife/partner, and Sean wants you to give up he ghost on any of your comic movies ever being like it was, “Well, in the comic…”

See you back on March 23rd for another round of Mating Habits – don’t go cheating on us with any other nerdy relationship podcasts. We’ll find out!

Music by The Dandy
Devil Beside Me Facebook Page
Jane McGonigal Ted Talk about Super Better


Ep.60 – Why are Girls So Weird? I Can’t Even Right Now


Story of my LIFE!


Em is punching sharks, caring for moms, and riding motorcycles that are on fire!
Dragon Age: Inquisition Multiplayer is Kelley’s new church, even though she can’t get into Arrow, or Flash, or Agent Carter. Em thinks it’s due to the lack of blood and cannibals.

Em wrote a fanfic about all your favorite Alpha Counter Podcast co-hosts (which include most of your favorite Mating Habits c-hosts. All of these accomplishments before she turns 30…this week! Happy Birthday, Em!

We interview Flash Browning from the blog OkCupid Project Awful where a young professional woman in a big city changes her OKC profile to attract a certain type of guy, and then chronicles each date for our scientific enjoyment!

We get into a big discussion about why ladies act the way they do, and how a lot of times it doesn’t make sense to us either, but Em and I have some theories as to what might actually be going on.

We check in with My Fair Andrew to see how his third assignment went, what he’s up to, and what he has to do before the next episode.

Tables get flipped over excruciatingly long waits for tables at restaurants, and the fact that soon there will be no more Jon Stewart in our Daily Show. 


Em’s AlphaCounter Fanfic!

Flash Browning OkC Project Awful


Ep.59 – Social Awkwardness: What to do When it Doesn’t Go Well



Michael returns to help us navigate the choppy water known as Social Awkwardness. We offer tips from personal experience on how to get through the toughest of social situations, and ways to psyche yourself out when that inner voice is telling you everything is going to go wrong. I mean, one time I unintentionally make fun of a one-eyed barista – you can dig yourself out of any hole 😉

Why aren’t the PodPals a group of superhero, crime-fighting, cape-wearing corgis? Because we should be. Michael finishes Skyrim (current news!) and bitches about the Hobbit movies, and I make a case for Netflix’s The Fall.

Someone makes a bad first impression with me, which is hardly news-worthy, but certainly apropos. And we get another installment of My Fair Andrew, complete with new theme song!

Tables are flipped because everyone’s panties are in a bunch about an all-female Ghostbusters reboot, and apparently snow is a thing that sometimes happens in NYC.


Like a Punch to the Dick!