I thought I’d take a break from the four-page-long thesis-style format I’ve established for “Table-Flip Tuesdays” up to this point; instead, what I have for you lovely geeks, this go-round, is a list I have compiled, which I just decided to start referring to as my “Do-Not-Be’s”.
Spoiler alert: this is a list of traits, characteristics, and just plain people I feel you, well, should not be. Why? Because these traits, characteristics, and just plain people irritate the crap out of me. (Hence the “Table-Flip Tuesday” outlet.)
Pay close attention. Take note, if needs be. And, above all else, if you find that you happen to be one of these things listed below: Don’t.
[Note: For sake of consistency, “that guy who…” will be in reference to everybody and anybody. It’s not sexist exclusion; even if you’re a female who fits one of these points, you’re still “that guy who…”]
DO NOT BE…
… that guy who says “Can I ask you a question?”
… that guy who fast-forwards/skips the opening title sequence of Doctor Who.
… that guy who thinks I’ll be impressed by the figurines of nearly-nude versions of female superheroes you have, lining the walls of your house.
… that guy who hums/whistles along to a song in your head, while another song is playing over public speakers, at the same time.
… that guy who comments on my Vines, but never likes them.
… that guy who pronounces it “heighdth”.
… that guy who uses the “shave-and-a-haircut” cadence when knocking on a stranger’s door.
… that guy whose Twitter profile is set to automatically follow another user, based on a recent like, only to unfollow said other user until the next time said other user likes another post.
… that guy who’s the opposite of Batman.
… that guy who was okay with the Dexter series finale.
… that guy who intends to heat dinosaur-shaped chicken nuggets in the oven, only to get drunk after putting said dinosaur-shaped chicken nuggets in said oven and then pass out, leaving it up to your roommate to come home to a smoke-hazed house, finding the culprit being said dinosaur-shaped chicken nuggets, which have now become dinosaur-shaped charcoal briquettes.
… that guy who vapes for the sole purpose of being able to say “I’m not smoking” when told the vapors are bother those around you.
… that guy who sticks out your tongue while using the dog-face SnapChat filter, even though it clearly instructs you to “Open Your Mouth”.
… that guy who constantly asks for favors and punctuates the query by saying, “No pressure.”
… that guy who holds up pedestrian traffic, just so you can practice your “jump-shot”.
… that guy who says, “I guess that means it’s free!” (followed, in most cases, by inane guffawing)
… that guy who goes to pick up someone from their place of apartmental residence and, instead of parking in an actual parking spot, sits in the thoroughfare, blocking the vehicles of the neighbors of said someone you are picking up from their place of apartmental residence.
… that guy who affects a terrible English accent while at work, forcing it not only upon your coworkers but also on the clientele.
… that guy who gives me crap about actually enjoying Man of Steel.
… that guy who leaves those annoying postcards advertising the latest and greatest new-age religious thing under people’s windshield wipers; or on any part of their vehicle, for that matter.
… Ted Mosby.
Alright! I think that’s a good list for now. Don’t think this is a finite listing – oh, no! This is just a healthy smattering of those irritating traits, characteristics, and just plain people who irritate the crap out of me; some on a daily basis, while others on a purely, sadistic nostalgic front. In time, just you wait, there just might be a “Part II” of this list. Until then, however…